What keeps me sane? Posted on July 12, 2012 by rvncrft72

ImageIf you would’ve asked me what kept me sane prior to August 2011, I would’ve said, “Unequivocally, yoga and running,” and in that order.

After the wreck, I was super optimistic and just knew I’d be back to running (training for my first half marathon) within a few days.  Days led to weeks, weeks led to months, and the depression sat in. After having an MRI, then surgery to remove a blown disc btwn c5/c6 which was also pinching a nerve on my left side, I realized it wouldn’t be just months, I realized it may never happen again, this after my second or third post-surgical visit.

I still hurt constantly.  The pain is super intense when I pick up, pull, or push anything over about 5 lbs.  I’ve gained weight which means the weight I’ve put on causes the arthritis to flare and the fibromyalgia to scream 24/7 as loud and as hard as it can.  The meds don’t work, they just barely subdue the pain, just enough that I can work without crying, and sometimes you can find me in my office crying because I’m hurting so badly.

I took up knitting and crocheting right after my surgery, but I can’t do it for long periods of time; otherwise, I can’t use my hands and arms due to the intense pain.

Any small stressor from work issues to home worries seems to cause the fibromyalgia to be super sensitive.  I’m fairly sure it’s because the nerve is hyper-sensitive thus making anything set off the lovely fibro.

I’ve found myself depressed here lately.  I know how to cope, I know what to do, but nothing I do seems to bring a ray of sunlight in, not the tiniest ray.

And what hurts me more, those that are supposed to know me, seem as if they don’t care, so I’m learning to cope with that as well.  Never fear, I will prevail, for I am a child of God.  The Bible states if a man (woman) touches one of His children, He will set it straight.  Therefore, a lot of people I know are due for a ‘come to Jesus meeting’.

Tired, in pain, alone and lonely…for now.

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